The Pool of Tears
by Krivoklatsko
Summary: Alice Purcell is not Atlas. The weight of the world is crushing her. Suzan must support her throughout their journeys around the worlds. All Namesake rights to Meg and Isa.
1. Chapter 1

The Wonderland Express was fueled most often by adrenaline. Alice had run hard, and today she'd run dry. The Rippers had another name. She had another Cheshire stripe glowing on her calf. She did not wear a Cheshire grin. Instead, Alice found quite the best comfort against a hard reality was a soft pillow, and a deep, dreamless sleep.

Suzan knew better than to disturb the rest of her companion's failing mood. While Alice played consumer to a state of Oblivion, Suzan laid up at night with no more than the occasional blink. She stared across another hotel room in complete darkness. The Oblivion Alice reveled in was consuming the woman that supported her. The work was a burden, but they used this cycle of sleep and worry to ensure that one person was always crying enough for the two of them.

That cycle was broken. Alice's silhouette shifted beneath the covers, and she followed a compassionate feeling to its source across the room, rolling herself over to meet eyes she couldn't see.

"Why do they have to die, Suzan?"

The shift was abrupt. But Alice could no longer be strong, and Suzan realized she had to. She dried her eyes just as Alice began, and Suzan was quick to rise up and enter Alice's bed for the embrace she needed.

"Everyone dies, Alice. Stories have to have an ending."

"What about a middle? What about a _beginning_?!"

There was no answer. There had been no story for the latest Rapunzel. Those were rare. When the name was registered, Caliope Intel had noticed before the day was out. So, apparently, had the Rippers. If Alice had the gift of a writer, her worries would have turned Wonderland darker than Hell. But this was Suzan's forte, and so she cradled Alice's hell in her arms, and kissed the poor girl's forehead.

"You need some context, sweetie."

"There's no context for failure."

"Africa."

Suzan did not explain. She knew she'd picked a smart girl. Alice thought through the multitude dying faster and worse than what a whole army of rippers could do.

"That's even worse," Alice whispered.

"And somewhere in a hotel, there's another Alice worrying her head over the solution. You do what you can, Alice. And you're doing a good job. You're elite because you have more rescues than anyone in history. You have Jack. You have Emma."

Suzan forced a kiss past Alice's stubborn lips.

"And you have me, Alice. Don't worry about saving the whole world. You've saved mine."

"But what's the point if the whole world ends?"

"That's not a job for an Alice," Suzan smirked, "but for an Atlas."

Alice was not done crying. But she had been saved from despair. She was greatful for the darkness that hid her pain, and for the contact between them that cured it. They slept in each other's arms for another half-hour.

Then a phone danced against the table. Alice groaned, half-asleep and face still sore from tears. Suzan reached past her to inspect it. She petrified, turning rigid and alarming Alice from a dream of cats snuggling her.

"Suzan? What is it?"

Suzan read aloud the single word Jack had bothered to text.

"Elsa."


	2. Chapter 2

Elsas are always bad news. In older times, Caliope sought out Gerda and Kai, two lovers doomed to be captured by The Snow Queen, and destined to escape by their act of true love. Those were tragic failures. But more tragic was when Gerda and Kai vanished, to be replaced by what society really needed: A story vindicating The Snow Queen's fear of love.

Gerda and Kai survived sometimes. Elsa, on a good day, would only kill herself. And Alice had committed her will to a good day.

The Wonderland Express stopped in Anytown, USA. Pine and Berch fanned their leaves over a suburban park while the sun peeked up at the action. Breaking rays of light lead Alice and Suzan to the nearest person. Jack waived them over to his concealment behind a bush. His orientation and furtive glances targeted a house across the nearest street.

"You're sure?" was Alice's introduction.

"She's got a sister named Anna. Could be a huge coincidence. But if it is, we aren't the only ones falling for it. Take a look."

He pointed to a dark corner beside the entry, in the umbra betwixt city and porch lights. Imminent sunrise had just started to give away a sneak. Suzan had a keen memory for people who'd wronged her. That talent, applied, had become an encyclopedic knowledge of Ripper personnel.

"That's Fish," she nodded.

"I guess she got out of the bottle," Alice hummed.

"There's another female on the other side of the roof," Jack pointed.

"Not Bird," Suzan reasoned, "But probably Trinket. How long has she been out of sight, Jack?"

"A few minutes. But I managed a baby monitor into the house. We'll know if she enters. Alice, come on, really? What did I do this time?"

Jack released an incredulous exasperation with his tone. Alice had cast her signature severe glare at him. But she did not follow it with a disappointed judgment this time.

"You did really well, Jack," she mused, "Just don't mess up what happens next."

The last operation didn't involve Rippers. Caliope buried one of their own. Anna never thawed. Elsa never recovered emotionally. When she slipped her care facility and slit her wrists, both of them died.

Two months of tactical assessments and simulations from the Writer's Guild yielded the Optimal Operation: _Ardence._

There were few at Caliope who could stomach the moral implications. Any administrator before Jason wouldn't have approved a plan to kill a namesake. But Alice had a blade wielded by her Ardence. And she knew where to cut.

"Jack. You suppress Fish. Suzan, find Anna. I'll take Bird and Elsa."

Alice did not rush her friends to act. She let the long moment of hesitation play out. It wasn't a decision she could order onto someone. In her peripherals, she saw Suzan nod. Jack drew a nine-millimeter pistol, sparing an envious expression to the Vorpal Sword as it apparated to her grip. He had no competency for magic.

"Alright," he mumbled, "but this time, _you_ tell Anna everything's going to be okay."


	3. Chapter 3

Caliope had seen many directors unfit to enforce the organization's mission, all of them Writers. They were necessary for their elegant expression of the team's values. In today's world, martial application was necessary. And for this role, Jason of the Argo excelled.

He was a man of great intensity in his younger years, but he had also learned from his errors that not everyone else was. So he debriefed Alice in a café, and choose a fleece turtleneck sweater with gold and marble threads for the occasion.

He did not inspect his coffee. His eyes were busy with Alice, watching her every expression. He could tell what she withheld from her tongue.

"Jack messed up."

"It was a trap."

"The Rippers have eclipsed us in Intel, and that isn't my fault."

These were all true. Caliope, as an organization, cared about narrative, and these facts were a very powerful influence on the story of that battle. But Jason cared more about the character of the people under his command.

"I was too hasty," Alice admitted.

"Tell me what happened," Jason murmured.

He sipped a sailor's brew while he listened to Alice's tale. Coffee and consumers surrounded them. But the Siren on Jason's cup would not allow them to divorce the mundane world from the magical. So Alice struggled to separate her failure from the suffering of the real world.

"Jack thought there were only two rippers at the house," she started, "And I was only thinking aboutPlan: _Ardence_. I wanted to neutralize Elsa before her powers manifested."

"So you agree with me," Jason wondered.

"I don't know. I just didn't want another dead Anna."

Alice cupped her drink and wondered who would write this reality, and why. No God was believable enough to blame yet. Scrying her drink yielded no insight. She had a tragedy of her own to tell.

"We were across the street. I had Jack aim a shot at Fish. We thought she was on the porch. It was just a scarecrow. So then we charged-"

"-Into a trap," Jason guessed.

"Yeah. Trinket was on the roof with an AK. Suzan ordered it to jam. I realized there would probably be explosives in the yard, so I moved the team left into the neighbor's house. The homeowner was in bed, but he didn't surrender. He- he had a gun, and Jack shot him when he drew on us."

"Welcome to America," Jason breathed through steam.

"We got to the windows facing our target, and I had Jack suppress Trinket. Jack shot out a window, and I Cheshire-Grinned through it with Suzan."

Alice felt that her drink had cooled enough, and chugged syrup and milk to cover her nerves. Jason had been through worse, and was never anything but relaxed.

"Bird… You know, Vanessa- Jack likes her. He still does. When we got into the house, she realized things weren't going her way. She grabbed Anna and used her as cover. She had a knife to Anna's throat. Elsa was crying in the corner and begging her. Well, Suzan's the negotiator. She stepped in and tried to calm everybody down. Then Jack got in on foot."

"He likes her?"

"I ordered him to shoot, and he wouldn't."

"He might have hit Anna," Jason noted.

"No. Bird was taunting him. Jack had a shot. He wouldn't take it. Then the others arrived."

"You said there were more than two. Plus bird. How many?"

"I don't know, Jason. It was a melee. Trinket sprayed the room with the AK, and Suzan went down. I saw fish and her trident. There were definitely others, though."

Alice tried to filter through memories of the combat. It was dark, and close-quarters. She and Jason both had enough experience to know the details would be vague.

"_Snicker-snack_," Jason summarized.

The vorpal sword did not manifest, but Alice felt it flicking in her hand. She nodded.

"Fish, and Trinket ran. But yeah, we killed a few Rippers. After the battle, Bird was still holding Anna hostage. We backed her into a corner. Jack offered to let her run if she would give Anna the same chance. She wouldn't have it."

The memory was too powerful. Alice closed her eyes, and she was there again, the Vorpal Sword driving her arm to dance. The tactical situation wouldn't let her check on Suzan's condition yet, but she was face-down, and that would be reciprocated on every Ripper the sword could reach.

Bird seemed to understand this. A hopeless desperation overtook her when the last of her friends fell. Bird was breathing harder than her hostage, and she could tell that she had lost Jack's sympathy when he raised the glock at her again.

"You were a fool to sell your name, Vanessa," Jack whispered.

Bird, Vanessa, Whoever, shed a tear for what could have been, and what was.

"I didn't have another choice. You weren't _there _for me Jack! It's too late, now! Vanessa is gone! She sold her name, and now the Rippers are done with her! You can't *fix* me! You can't *have* me! You didn't take me when you had the chance, and you sure as hell won't get anything from me now!"

Alice felt a hand on her shoulder. Jason had been her first contact with Caliope, in exactly this pose. And Jason had been introduced, likewise, by someone who understood the trauma of ending lives. Alice had to choose between a sob and a whisper.

"I just didn't want another dead Anna. I still haven't spoken to Jack."

"He emptied two clips into her. I'd say he was more upset with Bird than you," Jason smiled.

Alice took a male's input over the weight of her own assumptions.

"And besides," Jason added, "You saved Elsa. And that's still a first."


	4. Chapter 4

When Alice laid her head down that night, she sought, but did not find, a dreamless sleep. The only light in the room was two Cheshire stripes glowing through her pant leg. She had not lain in bed. Fatigue had rolled up its sleeves and dragged her there.

Her vision swam, and the darkness behind her eyelids became jagged shapes and swirls of red. She heard the snicker-snack of her vorpal sword accorsing flesh. The flashing of the blade was supernaturally quick, and arcane tearing sparked around it like a field of static electricity. Ripping rippers roiled in a blood mist around her dervishing. The barking of a Kalashnikov popped against wood and drywall as the room disintegrated around them. Elsa was huddled into a corner and screaming. Anna, in her last moments, cried out for her sister to save her. Jack was nimble and quick witted, and had turned his pistol against the wall to suppress trinket.

Through all of this chaos, Alice could remember clearly only a single sight, when Suzan clutched her gut. There was no bloodspray. Suzan's flesh rippled around the impact, and her rib splintered away as her body absorbed the whole stopping-power of one round, then another, then another.

Alice remembered the look of grim realization on Suzan's face. Their eyes met for the briefest second, and Alice read in her dearest friend's expression the saddest of goodbyes: "I'm sorry."

Then she fell, face-down and unresponsive.

The rippers who fled had used magic, giving away the battle to everyone on Earth who was looking. And before Alice had a chance to see Suzan again, Calliope medevac and cleanup had arrived.

So here Alice was stuck, in her room, lights out, trying to visualize her lover's wound. She needed to understand _exactly_ what the doctors would tell her. Alice drifted between tormented sleep and brief moments of sentience. Every time she woke, the vorpal sword was in her hand again. Every time she slept, she felt the weight of Suzan's body with her. The only news had been that she was alive and critical. For thirty hours, no doctor had left Suzan's side.

Limbo, Alice decided, is worse than Hell.

The next time she woke, she could not force her thoughts away. There was no reasoning that would tell her it was all going to end well. She would not see Suzan again. Every story has an ending.

Alice wept.

In Wonderland, her tears had formed a mighty ocean tide and swept her away. In Wonderland, she had swam. She was drowning now, gagging and choking on the intensity of her despair. Her lucid thoughts were spent scolding herself for being too weak to lead Emma- to lead anyone. She had set out to do the impossible, and had failed at tasks much easier. But when her door opened, she was able to hide her sorrow in darkness and silence, and assumed again the role of strength.

Alice sat up to see the silhouette, to prepare her best smile for when Emma needed encouragement about her progress, or to ready a story with a happy ending if it was Elaine fearing monsters again. The person in her doorway was taller than the new kids. Through tears, she thought maybe Selva or Dr. Durubashi had come to console her.

"Hello?"

No answer. There was a soft sigh as the stranger prepared bad news. Alice wiped her eyes clear to present herself.

"Could you turn on the lights please?"

She sat in darkness. No light. The silhouette shifted her weight and grunted lightly in pain.

"Susan? SUSAN!"

Alice leapt the room. Suzan would not vocalize an answer. But when their lips met, her tongue moved, and her moans smelled just as sweet. She stopped Alice from illuminating them, her hand holding down switches and knocking over lamps as they danced towards the bed and stripped.

Bandages and casts encased her from shoulder hip. There could have been more, or gaps between them, but as Alice explored, she was brushed away by light, insistent touches from Suzan's fingers. When she begged for Suzan to speak, she felt a finger press against her lips, then trail down her neck, over her breast.

In sadness, joy, and every moment they shared in darkness together, Suzan had made a game of drawing on her partner in intimacy.

She drew a little heart over Alice's.

They tumbled happily, and their lips were curled with glee in kisses, for they had bested death two-out-of-three together.

The tangling and grinding of their legs rose like a wave filled with tears of joy. Alice did not swim. It consumed her, and she drowned in awe, her body clenching around Suzan's lithe fingers, gasping for her lover's kisses.

The last words that night were traced painstakingly traced one letter at a time. Suzan's finger was a warm stylus disturbing the cold air on Alice's back.

IWONTLEAVEU

Then, Alice slept.


	5. Chapter 5

On a long distant day, Suzan jokingly wondered what was stronger: Alice's Vorpal sword, or her head. The truth was that Alice just couldn't think around Suzan. And though her words ricocheted off a hard skull, they made a pincushion of Alice's heart.

Suzan's first moans of the day set it beating wildly, and animated Alice before her head could catch up. She tried to plant a kiss on Suzan's shoulder. Her lips were squished between teeth and a cast. Then Suzan truly woke, and her moaning became a louder, pained groan. Alice opened her eyes to investigate.

"My bedsheets aren't…"

Alice tried to finish the thought. Her bedsheets had been white. Now they were red. This, she concluded, was a strange joke about painting roses. Her hand slipped on liquid, and a less reasonable, but more correct hypothesis, occurred to her.

"Susan? Susan, you're bleeding!" everywhere.

Alice clamored from big spoon to little, to find her other's face. Suzan had curled fetal, but with a force of will worked her grimace into a smile.

"I think I was supposed to stay in the medical wing," she admitted.

Alice was accustomed to unreasonable situations. She laughed.

"Well who's stubborn now, Suzan?"

Suzan's laugh was cut short by pain and whimpering. She tried to resist the pain of Alice inspecting her wounds, but she knew to let go of the power.

With the lights on, Alice could finally see the damage. Plaster immobilized Suzan's torso and right hip. From under this half-body cast oozed a night's worth of blood. This level of injury was entirely beyond Alice's comprehension. Her happiness was dimmed by the fear that this reopening of the doctor's work could be fatal.

"Ok. Ok, um… Suzan, I have to go get the doctor. You can't move this time, ok? I need you to-"

A light knock on the door heralded a dulcet Indian voice.

"Hello? Alice? I'm afraid I have to bother you about something."

Dr. Nandita Durubashi, the sweetest woman alive. Alice was not swayed by her demeanor. Her concern forgotten, Alice threw the door open and glared down at the doctor from her whole foot of height.

"You lost my Suzan," Alice hissed.

"Ah, but I also found her," Nandita smiled.

Alice stepped aside for the doctor to enter and examine the damage. Nandita squared her shoulders at her patient with her hands on her hips. Then Nandita breathed easier, her shoulders relaxing from the stress of worrying about her patient. From this, Alice predicted that Suzan would be fine. But, perhaps because of inexperience with Indian women, Alice did not predict what happened next.

Nandita shrieked with the fury of a British colony, her accent flaring in rage.

"You are lucky to be alive, Suzan! Look at you. I stayed up all night trying to save you, and you go running into trouble! Look at what you did to these sheets! Blood is expensive! You made Alice stay up all night crying, and I have been awake for another five hours looking for you! Do you think this is your private hotel? This is not even a real hospital I have to work with! I cannot babysit my patients! I already have to oversee too many healers! They are like pre-med students, but from other worlds!"

"Nandi-"

"And _YOU_!"

She rounded on Alice, who now felt as if they had swapped heights.

"What were you thinking? When she came to you last night, you should have sent her straight back to me! You girls are very irresponsible! You cannot be like young miss Emma and Warrick Chopper always trying to sneak off together! This is a professional facility! When I need family time, you do not see me leaving patients to fool around with my husband! You have to take a leave of absence to do this!"

Suzan had thought Alice headstrong. But here, Alice nodded her head and blushed. Nandita's sweetness overtook her, and even through her paternal, professional anger, she smiled and blushed as well. The women understood that the motivation had been love, and no doctor's advice would ever stick in such a moment of passion.

"The bleeding is normal," Nandita finally sighed, "But she does need her IV. We had to remove her stomach and intestines. She can only get nutrients through a needle for the next few weeks."

"_Weeks?_"

Alice realized her mistake too late. Nandita's face flushed again.

"You are ungrateful, young woman!"

"No, I'm sorry, you're-"

"No! NO! No excuses from you! I will wait outside. You get her dressed right now. And no more funny business!"

Nandita shut the door as she exited, her stern glare their last contact. In the vacuum left by the doctor's voice, Suzan was laughing through her pain. Alice sighed.

"Alright, _you_," she purred.


End file.
